Thursday, May 13, 2010

Car Thoughts

  • What the fuck kind of bird is THAT?
  • Billboard-"Jesus Christ is still coming"- Maybe "still on his way" would be a better choice of phrase.
  • Hey dude! I can totally see you over there picking your nose! Good dog, is there a treasure up in there or what?
  • You, Mr. Dick Motorcycle Man, are why people dislike motorcyclists. You, personally.
  • I've invented brain yoga!
  • AAAARGH! Not again with the Lady Antebellum! I think I may throw up.
  • You are so right, I should only be doing 60 on the highway. Thank you for being in the fast lane and preventing me from speeding. Your goodness will be rewarded in heaven.
  • I want Michelle Obama arms.
  • I hope no one notices that I have two different socks on.
  • I just burnt my uvula.
  • ♪Silent e is a ninja. Silent e is a ninja.♫

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Things they never taught you in Sunday school




















First of all, let me ask you all where the time has gone? Last post was in January. Alas, I am not a dedicated blogger, folks.

And now, let's get to the subject of this post. It was going to be about our magnificent (and when I say magnificent, I mean magnificent! Not kinda fun, or sorta cool, or even splendid, I mean
magnificent!
) trip to Chicago to celebrate our anniversary and to worship at the altars, I mean restaurants, of Rick Bayless.

Instead, I find myself compelled to share with you a spiritual lesson I learned on my refrigerator the other morning. No, it's not the image of the Virgin Mary made out of the smudges on the front of the fridge door. It's not a message from the Creator spelled out in alphabet magnets. It's something Ike created. I'm sure he is destined to become one of the great religious and spiritual leaders of the future. (Oh, and yes, this is made from a set of Nativity magnets. And yes, they are still there from Christmas. Don't judge!)

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the gospel according to Ike-


Apparently, in this little known version of the story, baby Jesus (that scamp!) has decided to use his godly powers to ride on the star-that-shone-in-the-east's tail.


In this close up, you can clearly see that both baby Jesus and the star are having a high-ole-time! Both shouting, "Wheee!"

One of the biggest mysteries of this escapade was why He took the manger with him. Was it like a rocket ship or a magic carpet? Or was it because he enjoyed lounging whilst cavorting through the heavens? I will have to leave that up to your interpretation, my friends.


The other aspect of this scenario that needs our attention is the reaction of the Lord's parents.

Take a look at what is happening in this close up. Joseph is yelling, or exclaiming loudly, "Come Back!" But he doesn't look particularly alarmed that his son is traipsing through the skies on the tail of a star. His unconcerned smile seems to be saying, "Oh that boy!" in a proud papa kind of way. His hands extended in a little shrug of, whataya gonna do with him?

And Mary? She sits with a benign smile on her face, hands folded in prayer. Maybe she is doing what all mothers do and is closing her eyes when the kids are doing something reckless. The way I do when my boys are skateboarding down the hill at break-neck speeds or when they were smaller and would hurl themselves down the slide. The way I will do when they drive away from me in the car the first time they drive solo. There she is, hands folded, face calm, silent prayers sent to heaven that He will come home safe. That is what Mary is doing. I have to admit that I'm never that calm about the whole recklessness thing though. Obviously, this is one of the reasons she was chosen to be the mother of the Lord, she can remain calm even in extreme situations!


I guess being the parents of a supreme being can be challenging, but you just have to have the right mindset about it all.


So, children, what have we learned today in class? Well, in the book of Ike, chapter one, the Lord is an irrepressibly fun-loving being. Not a bad way to look at it if you ask me.